


grim fandango;

by mizukata



Series: love (and other drugs); [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/M, but the fluff's real subtle but it's still there i guess, light angst + light fluff on the side
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7712206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizukata/pseuds/mizukata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>slowly, <i>oh</i> so slowly - their powers would become their very undoing.</p><p>(or: a prince haunted by his draconic powers, a songstress hanging by a thread, and their brief moment of solace.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	grim fandango;

**Author's Note:**

> 1: written for the azurrinweek2016 on tumblr! unsurprisingly, i'm going through writer's block again, and i thought this event could perhaps help me out of it. miraculously, it did.
> 
> 2: this was for day 2 prompt **weapon** , but i mixed in also day 1 prompt _bloodline_.

There’s this one situation that has run far too many circles in his head and eventually it just sits patiently at the back of his mind only to bother him again when he is to take the Yatogami and his dragonstone in his hands and step into battle. It replays and runs fast in his head like the adrenaline that rushes in his blood and through his veins, and it also calms just as fast when the battle is over - it just  _stops_ , just like that because in the end, it didn’t become a reality.

Of course it doesn’t become _real_ : he believes in himself to be careful, to be wary of his every action and strike in the battlefield. And careful he has been in whatever battle of the day in wherever location it may take place and there’s a small part of him that smiles at his every effort - he cannot make the same mistake.

A hundred battles later, nothing happens. Many more after that, nothing still happens - but yet the imaginary situation runs and replays in his head over and over.

Over and over, over and -

(The last thing he recalls of the day’s skirmish, albeit blurry - are shrill screams and the clear blue of his dragonstone reflecting his very own eyes.)

.  
.  
.

When their great commander - or so the troops call him - is nowhere to be found in the mess hall one evening, all inquiries are directed either to Joker, Felicia, or Suzukaze. If prompted, any of the three would reply that he was resting in his room and would appear later if needed - with that said, nobody asked any further questions and simply resumed eating. Dinner goes on and ends without him, the bustling mess hall eventually reduced into a literal  _mess_  of a hall.

Aqua scales the ladder of Kamui’s treehouse with little effort, small feet making no sound against the wooden platform and she stops when she faces the closed door to gently rap her knuckles on its surface.  _Knock, knock_ , goes the wood and she listens for a moment for any response, but the only sounds in the air are soft distant voices and the rustling of leaves coming from the tree. Her lithe fingers reach out for the doorknob, and Aqua blinks when she finds that it is unlocked. Quietly, she turns the doorknob around and opens the door, creating a space wide enough for her to enter.

Inside, Kamui lay on his bed with a hand over his eyes, still dressed in his armor. Scattered haphazardly on the floor were the Yatogami and his dragonstone - closing the door behind her, Aqua moves inside quietly and takes both objects into her hands and sets them away on the nearest table before she looks at Kamui again, seemingly unmoving in his bed.

(Looking closely, his armor is colored with splatters of red and brown - blood and soil, both staining the silver of his armor. Even his weapons are tainted with them, the gold of the Yatogami and the clear blue of his dragonstone stark contrasts against the color of the combined stains.)

 _Aqua_ , he says.

There’s a strange rasp in his voice, but she says nothing of it.

 _Joker saved you a portion of dinner_ , she tells him.

It takes a moment before he speaks.

 _Aqua_ , he repeats.

 _Kamui,_ she replies.

_Could you do me a favor… and come a bit closer?_

And come closer she does - she moves to stand near his bedside table, at the right side of his bed - and she waits.

(While she waits for him to speak, to move, or perhaps both - she stares: she stares at the uneven strands of Kamui’s hair splayed out in all directions in his pillow, at the unwashed red that stains the pale skin of his fingers up to their tips, at the scratches on his hand, and at the tear lines on -)

 _Do I look human to you?_ he asks.

Her eyes widen for a fraction of a second - silence settles in them once more until Aqua’s eyes soften and until she reaches out to touch his arm, the cool of her fingertips against the warmth of his skin.

 _What happened earlier_ … she pauses to lightly grip his arm, _could not be helped._

 _And I suppose that’s the same excuse when I tried to kill_ ** _you_**.

He laughs a laugh that has never reached her ears before, a sound so low and strangled that her free hand subconsciously gripped on her dress and the other slightly retreated away from his arm. He doesn’t stop laughing for some time with his hand still over his eyes but no tears flowing out, and she can only stand there with her eyes closed and her lips pursed.

 _The village was ravaged_ , he rasps.

 _The mages had controlled you_ -

_**It doesn’t make a difference**! Regardless if I was controlled or not, **I’m still responsible**!_

His voice comes out _loud_ , _angry_ , and undeniably so  _frustrated -_ Aqua remained silent as he continued to tell her that there has been a situation that would always replay in his mind every time he would be in battle, a scenario wherein he would turn back into a raging dragon and eventually he would come to in his human form, blood and carnage a brutal scene in front of him: blood drowning him every part of him and the ground he stood on, homes and farms and nature in shambles, corpses of both ally and foe lying by his feet and all around… but the closest body lying to him, with an arm outstretched towards him was Aqua _herself_ ; her pendant shattered, flowing white dress and locks of blue hair discolored with so much _blood_.

(He does not leave out any single detail - to the overpowering smell of blood and death to the taste of rust and ash in his mouth and up to the number of mutilated bodies - he goes on until his voice grows hoarse and she finds no strength to stop him up to the last word, each detail he narrates forming vivid pictures in her mind and making her head spin. How Kamui was able to battle effectively with that scene constantly haunting him in the back of his mind was beyond her - it was a terrible nightmare.)

 _Aqua… how much of a blessing is the blood in my veins when it - no, **I** can cause so much destruction?_  

He laughs with such _scorn_ directed at no one but himself, but yet slowly she reaches out to him and lifts away the hand that covers his eyes. Kamui’s eyes are narrowed into slits, he angles his head to look up at her; red eyes glaring right at gold ones – but they widen when Aqua takes her hand into his, her fingers entwining with his own and squeezing ever so gently. 

 _You asked me if you looked human_ …

_… but is this not a human hand?_

Aqua looks to him for a response but his mouth only hangs open and his eyes are still open wide – even more so when Aqua reaches out to him with her free hand and her fingertips land on the surface of cheek… until her hand would now cup his cheek, pressing gently on his skin.

(She is _lukewarm_ , never like the winter cold nor the warm spring breeze but always there in the middle and that was a comfort he could only find in someone like her and it suited her very much so – she was the in-between, the mediator, a saving grace - her touch, words, or song would bring him back to earth, back to his very skin… always there to take him by surprise.)

He looks up again at her face with his mouth still agape and brows furrowed - they stare at him and hold him down, the golden shine of her eyes. Her face reflects little of her emotions but in her eyes there is a mixture of everything within: sorrow, pain, kindness, empathy - he can only stare for so long and calmly, just _calmly_ , the anger within him subsides and his head stops throbbing as well. 

(He is never so sure why this only happens when he’s with  _her_ , where everything just flows away with just little words exchanged in between them. All that’s left is him and her, and nothing else. No nightmares, angers, frustrations, suffering. Nothing.)

He bites his lip and covers his eyes with his hand then slowly he laughs again, and it comes out  _normally_.

 _Your hand is really small_ , he comments with a small grin on his face.

 _So it is_ , she says with a faint smile on her lips.

Silence - the hand on his cheek moves as if to retreat, but he catches her wrist as gently as he could.

 _Aqua_.

 _Kamui_.

_Tell me honestly - do you fear me?_

Their eyes meet again, red ones looking straight at gold ones.

When she gives her reply, she speaks softly - but her voice rings clear in his ears.

_I could never fear you._

At her response, he closes his eyes - and he finds it within him to smile, small and sad.

_… I would never want you to._

(Slowly, he releases her wrist - and almost reluctantly, her hand leaves the warmth of his cheek to clutch her pendant instead.)

.  
.  
.

When his mind has cleared, only then has he remembered the time. He tells her that she ought to get some rest for the night, but before that he asks her if she would be willing to do him one more favor.

Their hands are still entwined when he asks her if she could sing for him.

And so she sits beside him and she sings her song that flows smoothly like a quiet ocean, even in the midst of a roaring battlefield: it is a beautiful symphony that enters and echoes in his ears and never leaves, even as he drifts away from consciousness and into dreamless sleep, his hand still holding hers and the faintest of smiles on his lips. 

(But as she sings there is a sharp pain that strikes her soul, her very being: it threatens to take her down, to make her fall and crumble to her knees, but she never wavers not until the last note, not until she is able to confirm that he is sound asleep in order to leave the treehouse and slip away unnoticed - the pain persists and it just  _sears_ through her skin like paper and her throat just wants her to _scream_ … but the peaceful smile on his face becomes the strength for her to push on, if only just a little more further.)

**Author's Note:**

> 2: i think aqua knows better to give kamui the ‘no, you're not a monster’ speech. to begin with, she can’t fully understand what kamui has been going through, or how much the scene/nightmare has affected him over time. all she knows is that kamui, whether he may admit it to himself or not, is scared of his power as a dragon.
> 
> 3: on another note, i’ve always liked the headcanon that kamui is almost reluctant to change into a dragon ever since what happened in the capital. memories of mikoto’s death + the sight of the ruined capital make them hesitate, so transforming into a dragon becomes sort of a last resort kind of thing.
> 
> 4: speaking of the capital, i'm really surprised that not a single person in hoshido talks about the capital incident over with kamui. i'm also surprised that no one in hoshido's not the slightest bit scared of kamui, either. if you ask me, i think the capital incident is something that could weigh heavily on kamui and their conscience and is definitely something worth talking over.
> 
> feedback would be much appreciated if it isn't much to ask. thank you for reading!


End file.
